Do you want to win new clients?

Do you need to get busy people to say yes to your requests?

Do you want the exact cold pitch templates I used to generate incredibly positive responses and book an avalanche of sales calls?

If so, read on.

I ran a digital marketing agency and about a year in, my word of mouth leads dried up.

I was desperate for sales and I dealt with that in the only way us Brits know how... I got blind drunk.

... In that time, I decided to write the most absurd cold email I could.

I was still tipsy enough in the morning to think it was a good idea to send my email to Marketing Directors, CEOs and other senior people at some of the world's largest brands and corporations.

To my amazement, it worked.

Take a look at these screenshots. 

These are the result of my desperate, drunk cold email.

There's more where that came from. I've saved them all.

I’ve met with senior decision makers at RedBull, Pepsi, Symantec, Hewlett-Packard, Cisco, HSBC, Barclays, and countless other global brands, exciting start-ups and SMEs.

It turns out B2B doesn't have to mean Boring-2-Boring!

My Charming Cold Pitch Starter Pack

The right words in the right order to the right people can get you anywhere in life.

In business, we have to make a lot of asks.

My Charming Cold Pitch Template Pack can help you make those asks in the most effective way possible.

This pack includes the following effective templates:

  • The original drunk cold email that generated gushing, positive responses from senior decision makers at some of the world's largest brands - including Symantec, Hewlett Packard, and many more.

  • The Direct Mail version of my drunk cold email template with follow-up - this includes the irreverent follow-up email I would send a few days later to prospects who didn't reply to my unorthodox letter.

  • The variation of the drunk cold email that led to the editor of VentureBeat covering our client, Symantec. (And later, aided us getting coverage in places like Time Magazine, The Guardian, The Independent, and many other gigantic publications.)

  • The disarming outreach email that generated positive responses from authoritative podcasts - helping me grow the Charm Offensive Facebook Group and email list when I was just getting started building an audience.

  • A refreshing and irreverent email to book as many informal job interview meetings with companies as you wish - even if you've never worked in their sector before. (This can be used for full-time, part-time, or freelance work.)
  • An unorthodox LinkedIn connection invitation that will pique your prospects' curiosity - enough that they will take a look at your profile (and accept your request).

  • A disarming follow-up LinkedIn direct message template - send this to your new connections to make your prospects smile and reply positively (with variants for freelancers and agencies/consultants).

This template pack is worth £460 on its own.

However, you can get it today - for the special "I just learned about Charm Offensive and I want in" price of just £49.


Download My Effective, Proven Charming Templates

At the special "I just learned about Charm Offensive and I want in" price:

Just £460 £49

I’ve used this same style to get senior editors at large publications such as Yahoo Business,,, Channel4 News, The Independent, Time Magazine, and many more to respond to me and publish my clients' content.

The screenshot below is from the former editor of VentureBeat, Dylan Tweeney.

This tech publication gets millions of visitors per month. 

I needed to get my biggest client, Symantec, some PR coverage.

We would have lost them as a client otherwise.

I went into work on a Saturday morning and sent Dylan an email.

It worked.

We got the coverage we needed.

A few years later, I was messaging Dylan on Skype and he sent me this message:

He remembered my pitch - even after 4 years!

I've used it to invite myself onto podcasts such as Kevin Rogers' "The Truth About Marketing" podcast.

I've used it to get people to my clients' events and seminars.

I’ve used it to help my friends get as many job interviews as they need.

Back in March 2017, I started my Facebook Group, Charm Offensive, and started showing people my weird way of generating opportunities whenever I wanted.

Let me show you some results from people who took my advice...

These. Templates. Work.

Y'all.. this is an unsolicited review of the Charm Offensive Email templates.

I bought the templates 30 minutes ago.

Sent an email out 15 minutes ago.

Got a response 2 minutes ago.

Jon Buchan, if you wouldn't consider this creepy, I could KISS you right now. You are amazing as hell.

These. Templates. Work.

Lakshmia Marie

added 10k in sales

Have added 10k to this months sales using Jon Buchan's technique. Now it's time to scaaaaale up. Whoop!

Ian Jackson

5 warm leads with average ACV of $10k or more

I was going to wait until I had more data, but after 3 days I can tell that using Jon's method and templates is going to way out perform our old cold email templates.

I had a little background in cold outreach and we were doing ok with a 2% response rate and making sure we're trying to add value with each email, etc.
But in a few days, I can see the trend compared to a few weeks of our old "winning" templates.

The startup I work for is in a "boring" industry - healthcare. And we're selling seamless email encryption to IT leaders, not exactly the sexiest product that you would think humor would do well as opposed to appealing to fear.

So I was a little hesitant in trying the Charm Offensive approach, not really sure how humor would be taken for a very serious product in a regulated industry, where there are multi-million dollar fines for non-compliance.

But, as a company we recently decided to shift our brand and image towards humor anyway (after identifying core values which I highly recommend to do), so I was ready to experiment.

After a quick call with Jon Buchan and some back and forth, we settled on a template (which I couldn't help but build into a 5 email sequence).

The result has been great so far with 5 warm leads with average ACV of $10k or more. 

Even the "No's" have been positive. Instead of "Not interested" we get responses like:

"*** Attention - My status has changed from fulltime to PRN ***  This email address is NOT monitored on a regular basis."

I mean awesome right?

But seriously, this was a very good win for us and I look forward to scaling.

If you're in a "boring" industry, I encourage you to give it a try, it will definitely make you stand out more.

Rick Kuwahara

90% open rate, 60% reply rate

So... looks like this stuff is going off the hook!

Disclaimer: I was fairly good at emailing before - but by using the principles Jon talks about, we've managed to more than TRIPLE our reply rate.

We got decent opens before - between 60 - 80%, and our reply rates were around 20% - 30%... but one a recent campaign we ran, we hit 90% open rate, and 60%+ reply rate - with most of the those being "sure let's chat" and "would love to see more".

This stuff is awesome 🤑🤑🤑

Will Wang

Download My Effective, Proven Charming Templates

At the special "I just learned about Charm Offensive and I want in" price:

Just £460 £49

Please, do enjoy some more success stories:

You can get results like these.

And you can get them immediately.

Just grab my templates.

Start using them.

Start waking up to an inbox full of compliments and new opportunities.

Download My Effective, Proven Charming Templates

At the special "I just learned about Charm Offensive and I want in" price:

Just £460 £49

PLUS... You get 4 awesome bonuses too!

Bonus 1: Creative & Daring Marketing Swipe File 

(Value: £49)

My swipe file of awesome, daring, disruptive website copy, emails, guerrilla marketing, direct mail campaigns, pr campaigns and content marketing.

Bonus 2: How To Be Somewhat Funny

(Value: £99)

This 51-page guide shows you how to write more entertaining copy, providing you with joke formulas, rhetorical devices, and writing exercises. 

Bonus 3: Promote Yourself Playbook mini training session

(Value: £99)

This training video runs through 10 quick and easy tactics to generate leads immediately. 

Bonus 4: B2B Sales Mini Guide

(Value: £129)

I provide prescriptive recommendations on exactly what activity you should be pursuing every day to generate leads.

Let's look at what's in this pack:

  • The Charming Cold Pitch Templates: £460
  • Creative & Daring Marketing Swipe File: £49
  • How To Be Somewhat Funny: £99
  • Promote Yourself Playbook: £99
  • B2B Sales Mini Guide: £129
  • Total Value: £836

Download My Effective, Proven Charming Templates

At the special "I just learned about Charm Offensive and I want in" price:

Just £460 £49

Frequently Asked Questions

(and helpfully, answers!)

How can I trust you? How do I know this is legit?

First of all, you are right to be cautious. The internet harbours many a charlatan. However, I am no such cowboy. 

I think the most compelling evidence I have is my LinkedIn Recommendations. To take a look at these, search for "Jon Buchan" on LinkedIn. You'll know you've found the right profile when it looks like the screenshot below.

(Yes, my profile picture shows me rescuing a baby and a basket of kittens from a burning building...)

If you scroll down to my recommendations, you'll notice these date all the way back to 2007 and provide some evidence of my character, work ethic, and other non-charlatan tendencies.

You'll notice there is a recommendation from one of my contacts at Symantec.

Symantec was the first gargantuan client I won using my original drunk cold email.

I still have a screenshot of their response!

If you need further proof that my weird ways work, you can check out the plethora of testimonials on this page. If you wish to see more, check out the "PEOPLE SAYING NICE THINGS ABOUT ME" tag on the Charm Offensive Facebook Group.

I've included a few choice examples of these testimonials for your viewing pleasure below:

Damn, I love hearing these success stories. :-) It always makes my day.

But my industry is boring! I don't believe they can work! 

You are making assumptions here. Don't be job title-ist. It's the 21st century! :D

I've used Charming Copy to successfully generate responses from Marketing Directors, to Chief Technology Officers, to Finance Directors, to CEOs, and everyone in between.

The Charm Offensive approach does not discriminate. It works on people. People who enjoy the exciting taboo of smiling occasionally at work. These are usually lovely people to work with, too. ;)

But do these positive responses actually lead to new clients?

Of course. That's the whole point. :) Now, you won't close deals with every lead. That would be impossible, even for the greatest salesperson alive.

However, you'll always be able to start conversations with your ideal clients. That is incredibly powerful. 

Surely senior decision makers will be put off by such an approach?

This assumption is incorrect.

Such important folks don't wish to be put on a pedestal. (And any that do aren't worth working with! Life is too short for asshole clients.)

Here's the response I got from the Senior Marketing Director at Hewlett Packard Enterprise:

When I met her, she told me, "I don't even reply to emails from my own staff most of the time, let alone unsolicited pitches, so well done!"

They will be impressed by your moxie, and should they require your services, they will likely reward you with a response and a call or meeting. BOOM!

Won't these templates stop working if everyone is using them?

Think about how many businesses are in one city. Then think about how many are in one country. Then think about how many there are in the world. Now think about how many people work in those companies.

That's a lot of people.

And thankfully, we're not all emailing the same person!

So no, this isn't something you need to worry about. Also, you can personalise the templates as much as you desire. Make them your own.

I don't like the idea of cold pitching. I hate cold pitches myself.

If you don't cold pitch, you don't get to pick who your clients are.

This is the single biggest benefit of cold pitching. You are in complete control. This is something you'll need to get over. Never fear, when you start receiving gushing, positive responses, you'll soon get addicted to cold pitching.

Will these work on LinkedIn?

Yep. All of the templates can be used on LinkedIn.Yet better, I've included a Charming LinkedIn connection request template and a Charming LinkedIn direct message template in this bundle.

And yes, they work too:

Why are these better than all the standard 'cold email/message' templates you can get online?

They don't suck :-)

They are written to get a positive reaction out of your recipients. If everyone is sending the same dross, nobody stands out - and everyone gets ignored.

These templates are your chance to stand out from the countless boring pitches that your prospects get - and get a smirk, smile, or a laugh out of them. Prospects are far more likely to respond, and respond positively, if they have a smile on their face while reading your pitch.

Prospects will often respond informally. They ditch the serious 'veneer' of most business correspondence. This is a huge advantage over your competing suppliers. 

You get to make the best first impression possible. 

Can I use these templates to get a job?

Yes. There's even a template in this pack just for this purpose.

I'm not a funny person. Can I still use these templates?

Yep. I never tried to be hilarious after the initial pitch. Once my foot was in the door, I would follow up and show my enthusiasm and knowledge. Prospects know that you're trying to get their attention with a clever opening gambit. They don't expect you to act like a clown! 

Can you use these templates for responding to job adverts on Facebook and LinkedIn?

Absolutely you can.

What sectors will these templates work in?

Any sector. Any level of seniority. They work on people. If you're pitching to people, you'll have success with these templates.

Can I amend the templates to my specific requirements?

Yep. You can adjust them as you see fit. As the templates aren't niche specific, they can easily be amended to pitch anything you desire.

Other than booking as many calls with your ideal clients as possible, what else can you use charming copy for?

Oh, plenty of useful things.

For example, Bibi used Charm Offensive style copy for outreach/link building for a client.

Shari amended one of my templates to book awesome guests on her podcast.

Ashleigh used Charming Templates to get prizes for a competition.

Rob used Charming Copy for booking gigs. (I live vicariously through Rob. I have no musical talent to speak of!)

Rob got a little hooked - and also used Charming Copy to get his dream apartment!

Trish deployed Charming Copy while negotiating on price with a supplier.

I'm out of questions and objections - but I'm still not willing to dust the cobwebs off my wallet / purse / pocket-sized safe. 

You are very hard to persuade. Kudos! 

These templates work. You only need to win one client to pay this investment back many times over.

I am biased of course, but to me, this does seem like a no-brainer. 

For the more cynical folks reading this, who perhaps have a penchant for the conspiratorial, I attach further digital evidence of my weird ways working below.

Please use these to sway yourself into making the prudent decision to take advantage of this scandalous special offer. 

You get the idea... :D

I had to stop myself including more testimonial screenshots...

I hope this deluge of evidence has aided you in persuading yourself to make the financially prudent decision to invest in my Charming Cold Pitch Template Pack.

There's only one thing left to do... ;)



JON BUCHAN  //  Founder, Charm Offensive

A good few years ago, I was desperate for sales after my word of mouth work dried up.

I got hellishly drunk one night and wrote a completely absurd cold email. I was still tipsy the next morning and decided it was still a good idea to send it to pretty senior Marketing Directors at big brands.

To my astonishment, it worked. I got the most amazing complimentary responses and requests for calls/meetings, from senior decision makers at RedBull, Pepsi, Symantec, Hewlett-Packard, HSBC, Barclays and countless other global brands. Symantec and Hewlett Packard became clients.

All because of a crazy cold pitch.

I decided to start teaching others my unorthodox approach to cold pitching. People listened to my weird advice and found that it worked for them, too.

That's what Charm Offensive is all about: getting the attention of busy people.

Jon Buchan

Copyright 2020 Logical Absurdity Ltd T/A Charm Offensive.