Do you need to win new clients?

Do you need to get busy people to respond to you and say 'yes' to your requests?

If so, read on.

I ran a digital marketing agency and about a year in, my word of mouth leads dried up.

I was desperate for sales and I dealt with that in the only way us Brits know how... I got blind drunk.

... In that time, I decided to write the most absurd cold email I could.

I was still tipsy enough in the morning to think it was a good idea to send my email to Marketing Directors, CEOs and other senior people at some of the world's largest brands and corporations.

To my amazement, it worked.

Take a look at these screenshots. 

These are the result of my desperate, drunk cold email.

There's more where that came from. I've saved them all. This might show my insecurity somewhat!

I’ve met with senior decision makers at RedBull, Pepsi, Symantec, Hewlett-Packard, Cisco, HSBC, Barclays, and countless other global brands, exciting start-ups and SMEs.

It turns out B2B doesn't have to mean Boring-2-Boring!

I’ve used this same style to get senior editors at large publications such as Yahoo Business,,, Channel4 News, The Independent, Time Magazine, and many more to respond to me and publish my clients' content.

The screenshot below is from the former editor of VentureBeat, Dylan Tweeney.

This tech publication gets millions of visitors per month. 

I needed to get my biggest client, Symantec, some PR coverage.

We would have lost them as a client otherwise.

I went into work on a Saturday morning and sent Dylan an email.

It worked.

We got the coverage we needed.

A few years later, I was messaging Dylan on Skype and he sent me this message.

He remembered my pitch - even after 4 years!

I've used it to invite myself onto podcasts such as Kevin Rogers' "The Truth About Marketing" podcast.

I've used it to get people to my clients' events and seminars.

I’ve used it to help my friends get as many job interviews as they need.

Back in March 2017, I started my Facebook Group, Charm Offensive, and started showing people my weird way of generating opportunities whenever I wanted.

Here's a few more screenshots for you. 

This time let's show some results from people who took my advice...

Please, do enjoy some success stories:

(Click to watch)

You can get results like these.

And you can get them immediately.

Just grab my templates.

Start using them.

Start waking up to an inbox full of compliments and new opportunities.

Introducing My Charming Cold Pitch Template Pack

The right words in the right order to the right people can get you anywhere in life

In business, we have to make a lot of asks.

My Charming Cold Pitch Template Pack can help you make those asks in the most effective way possible.

This pack includes the following effective templates:

  • The original drunk cold email that generated gushing, positive responses from senior decision makers at some of the world's largest brands - including Symantec, Hewlett Packard, and many more.

  • The variation of the drunk cold email that led to the editor of VentureBeat covering our client, Symantec. (And later, aided us getting coverage in places like Time Magazine, The Guardian, The Independent, and many other gigantic publications.)

  • The outreach email that generated positive responses from authoritative podcasts - helping me grow the Charm Offensive Facebook Group and email list when I was just getting started building an audience.

  • A refreshing and irreverent email to book as many informal job interview meetings with companies as you wish - even if you've never worked in their sector before. (This can be used for full-time, part-time, or freelance work.)
  • A sweet succinct email to start fresh commercial conversations with your old clients that you enjoyed working with.

  • A highly effective email for chasing invoices and getting them paid, pronto! Use this email for when a client STILL hasn’t paid your invoice. There are two versions of this email. One for smaller businesses with no accounts department and one for larger businesses with enormous impenetrable accounts departments.

  • An amusing, self-aware email to send prospects who haven't responded after you sent a proposal.

  • Breaking the ice with potential partners with the aim of developing mutually beneficial relationships, e.g. You may run a digital marketing agency and wish to partner with a design agency so you can refer clients to each other.

  • The LinkedIn Invite / Follow Up Message Combo - A template to use for sending entertaining LinkedIn connection requests that a follow up disarming direct message.

  • Dealing with the response "What will it cost?" when you need far more information to be able to put a quote together.

  • A ridiculously honest cold pitch for when you have loads of knowledge - but no experience. This solves the old ‘experience’ dilemma, while making playful fun of it for your own persuasive benefit.

  • A fawning, gushing email to send to your absolute dream clients that they will struggle to ignore.

  • A memorable message that offers the prospect a brainstorm session or audit for the deliberately attention-demanding price of just $1. This diabolically cheeky cold pitch will get attention - and responses.

  • A charm-soaked message to send to gatekeepers (such as executive assistants), to sweet talk them into mentioning you to their boss.

  • A personalised message to send to prospects based on their LinkedIn recommendations.

  • An email/message to send if you are currently working in the corporate world and wish to become a freelance consultant or start your own agency/consultancy. This charming pitch helps you get responses from old colleagues, suppliers, and clients.

  • A WAY OVER THE TOP cold messaging sequence to send to prospects entitled “THE TOP 5 REASONS YOU SHOULD WORK WITH ME” - This can be personalised if your prospect has sufficient information on their public social media profiles.

    This template pack is worth $600 on its own.

    However, you can get it today - for the special "I just learned about Charm Offensive and I want in" price of just $39!


Download My Effective, Proven Charming Templates

You get 3 awesome bonuses too!

Bonus 1: Creative & Daring Marketing Swipe File (Value: $40)

My swipe file of awesome, daring, disruptive website copy, emails, guerrilla marketing, direct mail campaigns, pr campaigns and content marketing.

Bonus 2: How To Be Somewhat Funny. (Value: $130)

This 51-page guide shows you how to write more entertaining copy, providing you with joke formulas, rhetorical devices, and writing exercises. 

Bonus 3: Promote Yourself Playbook mini training session. (Value: $130)

This training video runs through 10 quick and easy tactics to generate leads immediately. 

Bonus 4: B2B Sales Mini Guide (Value: $160)

I provide prescriptive recommendations on exactly what activity you should be pursuing every day to generate leads. 

Let's look at what's in this pack:

  • The Charming Cold Pitch Templates: $600
  • Creative & Daring Marketing Swipe File: $40
  • How To Be Somewhat Funny: $130
  • Promote Yourself Playbook: $130
  • B2B Sales Mini Guide: $160
  • Total Value: $1,059

Get it today for just $39!

Frequently Asked Questions (and helpfully, answers!)

How can I trust you? How do I know this is legit?
First of all, you are right to be cautious. The internet harbours many a charlatan. However, I am no such cowboy. 

I think the most compelling evidence I have is my LinkedIn Recommendations. To take a look at these, search for "Jon Buchan" on LinkedIn. You'll know you've found the right profile when it looks like the screenshot below.

(Yes, my profile picture shows me rescuing a baby and a basket of kittens from a burning building...)

If you scroll down to my recommendations, you'll notice these date all the way back to 2007 and provide some evidence of my character, work ethic, and other non-charlatan tendencies.

You'll notice there is a recommendation from one of my contacts at Symantec.

Symantec was the first gargantuan client I won using my original drunk cold email.

I still have a screenshot of their response! 

I remember winning this deal. My friend James remembers how I celebrated this news...

I asked James if he could find the photo. Alas, he could not. I would have included the photo here but it appears lost to history. My apologies. I'm sure it would have been a delightful addition to this page.

I'm glad that I used to celebrate my good news on Facebook because Facebook Memories reminds me of this from time to time, providing me with useful digital evidence of my previous successes.

Oftentimes reminding me of meetings I had completely forgotten about, such as the one below:

One minor note: The screenshot below is slightly incorrect. I was meeting the Head of Marketing for The Disney Channel, not the whole of Walt Disney.

If you need further proof that my weird ways work, you can check out the plethora of testimonials on this page. If you wish to see more, check out the "PEOPLE SAYING NICE THINGS ABOUT ME" tag on the Charm Offensive Facebook Group.

I've included a few choice examples of these testimonials for your viewing pleasure below:

Damn, I love hearing these success stories. :-) It always makes my day.

But my industry is boring! I don't believe they can work! 

You are making assumptions here. Don't be job title-ist. It's 2023! :D

I've used Charming Copy to successfully generate responses from Marketing Directors, to Chief Technology Officers, to Finance Directors, to CEOs, and everyone in between.

The Charm Offensive approach does not discriminate. It works on people. People who enjoy the exciting taboo of smiling occasionally at work. These are usually lovely people to work with, too. ;)

But do these positive responses actually lead to new clients?

Of course. That's the whole point. :)

Now, you won't close deals with every lead. That would be impossible, even for the greatest salesperson alive.

However, you'll always be able to start conversations with your ideal clients. That is incredibly powerful. 

Surely senior decision makers will be put off by such an approach?

This assumption is incorrect.

Such important folks don't wish to be put on a pedestal. (And any that do aren't worth working with! Life is too short for asshole clients.)

Here's the response I got from the Senior Marketing Director at Hewlett Packard Enterprise:

When I met her, she told me, "I don't even reply to emails from my own staff most of the time, let alone unsolicited pitches, so well done!"

They will be impressed by your moxie, and should they require your services, they will likely reward you with a response and a call or meeting. BOOM!

I don't like the idea of cold pitching. I hate cold pitches myself.

If you don't cold pitch, you don't get to pick who your clients are.

This is the single biggest benefit of cold pitching. You are in complete control.

This is something you'll need to get over. Never fear, when you start receiving gushing, positive responses, you'll soon get addicted to cold pitching.

Will these work on LinkedIn?

Yep. All of the templates can be used on LinkedIn.

Yet better, I've included a Charming LinkedIn connection request template and a Charming LinkedIn direct message template in this bundle.

And yes, they work too:

Why are these better than all the standard 'cold email/message' templates you can get online?

They don't suck :-)

They are written to get a positive reaction out of your recipients. 

If everyone is sending the same dross, nobody stands out - and everyone gets ignored.

These templates are your chance to stand out from the countless boring pitches that your prospects get - and get a smirk, smile, or a laugh out of them. Prospects are far more likely to respond, and respond positively, if they have a smile on their face while reading your pitch.

Prospects will often respond informally. They ditch the serious 'veneer' of most business correspondence. This is a huge advantage over your competing suppliers. 

You get to make the best first impression possible. 

Can I use these templates to get a job?

Yes. There's even a template in this pack just for this purpose.

I'm not a funny person. Can I still use these templates?

Yep. I never tried to be hilarious after the initial pitch. Once my foot was in the door, I would follow up and show my enthusiasm and knowledge. Prospects know that you're trying to get their attention with a clever opening gambit. They don't expect you to act like a clown! 

Can you use these templates for responding to job adverts on Facebook and LinkedIn?

Absolutely you can.

What sectors will these templates work in?

Any sector. Any level of seniority. They work on people. If you're pitching to people, you'll have success with these templates.

Can I amend the templates to my specific requirements?

Yep. You can adjust them as you see fit. As the templates aren't niche specific, they can easily be amended to pitch anything you desire.

Other than booking as many calls with your ideal clients as possible, what else can you use charming copy for?

Oh, plenty of useful things.

For example, Bibi used Charm Offensive style copy for outreach/link building for a client.

Shari amended one of my templates to book awesome guests on her podcast.

Ashleigh used Charming Templates to get prizes for a competition.

Rob used Charming Copy for booking gigs. (I live vicariously through Rob. I have no musical talent to speak of!)

Rob got a little hooked - and also used Charming Copy to get his dream apartment!

Trish deployed Charming Copy while negotiating on price with a supplier.

Is there a money back guarantee?

Yep. You get a 30-day "no questions asked" money back guarantee. There's no risk whatsoever for you. That's how confident I am with my templates.

I'm out of questions and objections - but I'm still not willing to dust the cobwebs off my wallet / purse / pocket-sized safe. 

You are very hard to persuade. Kudos! 

These templates work. You only need to win one client to pay this investment back many times over.

I am biased of course, but to me, this does seem like a no-brainer.

For the more cynical folks reading this, who perhaps have a penchant for the conspiratorial, I attach further digital evidence of my weird ways working below.

Please use these to sway yourself into making the prudent decision to take advantage of this scandalous special offer. 

You get the idea... :D

I had to stop myself including more testimonial screenshots...

I hope this deluge of evidence has aided you in persuading yourself to make the financially prudent decision to invest in my Charming Cold Pitch Template Pack.

There's only one thing left to do... ;)



(c) Logical Absurdity Ltd T/A Charm Offensive